This one...not so funny

I realize this is a humor blog, but this story still haunts me. Someone from outside of New York was asking me about it (again) today and so I "needed" to post it.

Nov. 5, 2001 Ground Zero


Note: This is “stream of consciousness” writing. No thinking, no editing, just flowing from my mind and memory to my pen and onto the paper. All within 30 minutes after the experience.


It wasn’t idle curiosity or a need to gawk; I really don’t know what compelled me to visit ground zero today. I was in Manhattan and I had to go.

I didn’t think much about how I’d feel when I got there. I didn’t wonder if there really is still a smell in the air. On leaving the subway station, there is, and it isn’t very feint either. Trying to identify the odor… seemed at times to smell of wet paper that had been burned, but not really. After a short while the smell was, I was certain, that of death and evil. Now I just wanted to ignore it.

I didn’t know where to go to see is the remains, so I walked as far as I could, west (I think I was on Chambers Street?) There was a small gathering at the next corner looking. I knew that was it. Feeling kind of nervous (I’d been feeling that kind of nervous/anxious from the time I got on the subway at Penn station) and hurried to that corner, turned to my left and saw a partially obscured view of the World Trade Center. “Oh God”, I said it aloud and just stared. Straining, I took a few photos. All the while I couldn’t help but feel that I was intruding on some sacred site. I felt uneasy taking the photos, although many others were doing the same and, I observed, we were all a bit misty eyed and very quiet; whispering if we spoke to anyone.

I asked a police officer where I might walk to for a better view and I felt “cheap” in asking that. Wondering to myself, “what must he think of me for wanting to see a better view” of where so many had been killed. (*I actually wrote ‘cop’ here and now that seems disrespectful, especially for a police officer working here.)

I walked the block to West Broadway and then two blocks south. The view was still obscured by other buildings, scaffolding and protective tarps and there was more to see from here. Also more people, more photos (I stood atop a barricade to take some), no police…National Guard soldiers here.

Then I noticed a church across the street; across the street from what once was the World Trade Center! Whatever God we believe in, there must somehow be some statement here. The church was physically unharmed and open for business.

I remembered now that Joe Salomon’s law office was nearby and while I had seen what the others had seen, I needed to try to see more. Maybe Joe had a bird’s eye view from his office.

Joe’s office, it turned out, was on the 42nd floor, one block from ground zero.

Joe was glad to see me, even after I told him why I was here. I truly would have stopped in for a visit even if this were not the issue.

We exchanged hellos and such and he took me around to see Daisy. As we were greeting each other I saw out of the window, from the corner of my eye, looking right down on the remains of the devastation. “Oh God “, out loud again. They understood and concurred. I remained for a moment or two staring out the window while we chatted aware of my amazement, Joe told me there is a better view (as if anything about this could be good or better) from the outside balcony. I was eager to get there.

It was really cold and blustery today, more so from this 42nd floor balcony and this seemed to add to the whole reality of this experience. I think maybe beautiful weather, gorgeous sunshine, might have been too incongruous for what I was seeing. It was devastating to me, no “ Oh God” this time. In fact I couldn’t speak at all for a moment. (Very rare for me!) I had to take in every square inch, every detail. I couldn’t believe it, all over again. In the past when I had seen the World Trade Center it was all shiny and glistening. Everything now is black and charred. In fact, one building where three or four stories still stand, you can see inside what once were windows, each floor is filled floor to ceiling with ash and debris!

I remember two times I’ve visited the Winter Garden (an all the glass, huge domed structure, adjacent to the World Financial Tower), once to see a Norman Rockwell showing and once, by accident, I saw a magnificent floral show. It was so sunshiny and bright in there. Really fabulous. Awesome. Now it was only the charred framework, filled with the ash and debris. I really cannot speak at this time. Joe is cold and wants to go back inside. I can’t yet. I told him I’d be in in a while.

Alone it out there, staring, I began to get very angry. I mean really mad! I want to scream something! I am too tongue-tied to get it out. An angry, screaming whisper comes out “fuck you “,….. “just fuck you”. No more words follow, just the clarification in my mind that this was for Bin Laden and all the rest.

I should be finished looking now. I should go inside and I can’t yet. Again, out loud, I said a prayer for the souls of all of the innocent deceased and I cursed again, the lives and the souls, in their afterlife, of all of those responsible.

I could have stayed out there easily until sundown. My emotions were really frazzled, jumping all over the place. I had not expected this. Through all this time I guess I was taking pictures, there’s no film left now. It’s enough. I should go and not look back. I’m calmer now and very somber. Many of the images are now part of me.

Please God, this kind of thing, never again, please.

I’ve seen it all 1000 times on TV - it’s brutal in person.

At the gym

I went to the gym the other day, as I do every other day. I parked in the lot and walked toward the front door. As I touched the handle on the door and started to open it, someone's car alarm went off!

Well, you know how things flash through your mind in one split second? In that split second I was certain that by opening the door I set off the security alarm and it scared the crap out of me.. I jumped back about 4 feet into the air and yelped, "wadaga?!?!?"

I felt like one big knucklehead and was so glad nobody saw me (how embarassing).

So now, I wonder, why am I posting this if I was glad no one saw me when it happened and why have I told my family and friends about it?

We learn from everyone we meet

As a speaker, my topics all have to do with how we can use our sense of humor to improve our lives (see www.BarryRoberts.com). I had just finished an engagement in San Francisco, a city I really enjoy, so I stayed for an extra day.
I spent most of that day on my own walking tour of the city. Sad to say, there are many homeless in San Francisco & while I have great empathy for all of them, I cannot offer money to each one that approaches me on the street.
It had been a long day & I was headed back to my hotel with an arm full of gifts and my camera, when I saw her heading straight towards me. She was fairly young, with few teeth, looking very much like the rest fo the street people I had encountered that day. As she came to me, I must admit I was not listeneing to what she said and I had my reply all ready. "Sorry, I can't help you today", I said & kept walking.
After I passed I realized what she had said to me; "I'm not asking for any money, just your credit card and pin number for about an hour." This with a big smile on her face.
Hey! She had a sense of humor and was attempting to use it to help herself. I spend my days trying to teach this to business people who, for the most part, have everything they need and many of them just don't get it. This woman lives on the street, in rags and a cardboard box and SHE GETS IT!! How could I not help her out?
I turned quickly and spotted her making a bee line for her next mark,. I picked up the pace, caught up to her and said, "Look, you're not getting my credit card or pin number, but I hope this helps and wish you good luck."
She tucked the $5 in her blouse and replied, again with a huge smile, "Thanks...when you live on the street and have nothing else, you gotta have a sense of humor. Gd bless you, sir."
Wow! For me that was so powerful. You can learn a valuable lesson from everyone you meet.